Why “Take a Big Breath” Could Be Making Things Worse - and what to say instead
- Charlotte Marsh
- Aug 10
- 3 min read
I hear it ALL the time.
A child is upset, sobbing, tears streaming down their face, full of rage or despair, and gasping for rushed, shallow breaths.
A caring adult kneels down and says, “Take a big breath.”
The child gulps in air through their mouth… shoulders rise… chest puffs up… and they still look just as tense. Sometimes even more tense.
It’s a moment full of love and well meaning intention BUT here’s the thing: “big breaths” often backfire.
Now don’t get me wrong, us parents don’t exactly get lessons in how to handle tantrums do we? But “take a big breath” is a phrase I’ve overheard in schools, and from a counsellor too. I once had a mental health nurse tell me they’d learnt nothing about children’s breathing in their own training, yet they use breathing exercises with kids all the time.
Why more air doesn’t mean more calm
When we feel stressed, our breathing speeds up and often shifts to the upper chest, we start to overbreathe.
A “big breath” taken through the mouth tends to pull in too much air too quickly, which:
Disrupts the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood
Signals to the nervous system that something is still wrong
Can make anxiety feel worse
Exasperates an already over breathing child with ANOTHER BIG BREATH!
Instead of calm, the body hears: keep the alarm bells ringing.
The science of slowing down
Studies on breathing patterns show that slowing the breath down, especially lengthening the exhale, sends a “safety” signal to the brain.
Slow exhalation & calm: Research published in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found that longer exhalations increase parasympathetic nervous system activity: the part of the nervous system responsible for relaxation and recovery (Noble & Hochman, 2019).
Nasal breathing & brain function: A study in the Journal of Neuroscience reported that nasal breathing can synchronise brain rhythms and enhance activity in regions related to emotional regulation and memory (Zelano et al., 2016).
Breathing rate & anxiety: A review in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy concluded that slow breathing techniques can significantly reduce anxiety symptoms in both children and adults (Zaccaro et al., 2018).
Even a few slow, gentle breaths can start to shift a child out of “fight-or-flight” and back into a calmer, more focused state.
A better phrase for children
Instead of “Take a big breath”, try something like:
“It’s going to be okay”
“Let it go”
“Let it all out”
“Let’s take a slow breath together”
“Try to slow things down…breathe out really slowly”
“Imagine blowing out so slowly you could blow the biggest bubble ever”
The bubble image works wonders for children because it:
Encourages a slow, steady exhale (key for calming)
Makes the activity playful instead of “fixing” their feelings
Gives them a visual goal they can focus on instead of their worry
How to do the ‘bubble breath’
Model it yourself — children mirror adults.
Gentle in-breath through the nose, feeling the belly move slightly outward.
Slow out-breath through pursed lips, as if blowing up an imaginary (or real!) bubble.
Aim for the exhale to be longer than the inhale.
Repeat 3–5 times, keeping it light, not forced.
Why it matters
Teaching a child to slow their breathing is giving them a skill for life.
It’s something they can use:
After a friendship fallout
Before a test at school
After a playground fall
When nerves kick in before a sports match
To wind down before bed
And perhaps the best part? They can use it without anyone noticing — no gadgets, no special equipment, just their own breath, their own secret s.
Takeaway:
The next time you’re tempted to say “Take a big breath”, try:
“Let’s breathe and make a slow, big bubble.”
It’s still caring, still comforting — but it’s backed by the science of calm.
For a fun way to introduce Breathwork to young children, be sure to look at ‘Susie Sloth and her Secret Superpower.’
If you happen to be visiting CarFest at the end of this month, be sure to bring your little ones to the studio on Saturday at 2pm for a fun Susie Sloth session where we’ll play Pilates and practice some better breathing tips together.
References
Noble, D. J., & Hochman, S. (2019). Hypothesis: Pulmonary Afferent Activity Patterns During Slow, Deep Breathing Contribute to the Neural Induction of Physiological Relaxation. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 13, 425.
Zelano, C., et al. (2016). Nasal respiration entrains human limbic oscillations and modulates cognitive function. Journal of Neuroscience, 36(49), 12448–12467.
Zaccaro, A., et al. (2018). How breath-control can change your life: A systematic review on psychophysiological correlates of slow breathing. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 47(4), 207–232
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